Fear - not

I wrote a poem once about Fear. Well, actually, I wrote several poems about fear....
One was titeled "Fear - not..."
Yes, this is my message for the day.
Fear - it comes at times.
However, my friend, to you I say:
Fear not!
Fear in matters close to you is usually a bad advisor.
So I say: Fear  not!
Fear not, because if you fear and do not do, you will look back on all the time you wasted.
So: Waste not!
Enjoy and use your time!

It´s been a while....

It´s been a while…

I had an interesting realization.

Actually two.

One about 3 weeks ago and the follow-up realization today.

I was reading about achieving goals. It had more to do with what you need to do to achieve something in general and in particular with achieving your goals through practice.

Actually, it made the point, that if you practice a lot, then actually you get better. Talent or no talent.

And that practice seems to be a much more important factor, compared to talent, then has been the general understanding so far.

I found this extremely interesting.

There was this expression: Deliberate Practice.

I liked it.

I wasn´t sure yet how I would operationalise it, so I made myself a calendar entry every day that says: “Deliberate Practice”.

It as been popping-up every day at 17:30 in my calendar.

“Deliberate Practice” has become part of my daily life. I usually click it away.

Dismiss.

Sometimes I briefly think about it. It reminds me of the things I want to put into my life, the big stones, if you know the jar analogy. Things, which are not very present right now. Like more sports.

Today it just popped-up and I realized: Yes. Now I know how to do it.

Mehr wird nicht verraten…

Blogging

I have been thinking for the last couple of weeks about blogging.
Not my own blogging.
As you can tell, I am not much of a blogger.
I get an inspiration and blog away for a couple of days, weeks, maybe months, but years?!
Never!
I have been wondering why people decide to blog.
There are the most amazing blogs out there.
And the most senseless.
But most bloggers spend LOADS of time and energy on posting.
And now I ask myself: For what?
What is it exactly that people get out of blogging?
Originally I thought it had so much to do with exhibitionism.
But I am not so sure any more.
I think this is one of the reasons I stopped.
I didn´t actually want to write any more about writing.
If I would (would have) continued, I would have been writing about the "other things".
But I wasn´t sure I actually wanted anyone and/or everyone to see/feel me.
Obviously others do want that.
And very much.
Food for thought.

Choice and freedom

What I really love about life is, that no matter what you think now, you have no idea what you will think in the future.
Of course, most people think they know. And feel validated once, in the future, they think what they thought they would think.
But it could have been different.

Freedom is choice.
Freedom is the possibility to change your mind over and over again.
Freedom is not having to justify yourself to anyone, not even to yourself.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....what a great feeling!

Going with the flow

A friend of mine invited me to a big and important event.
It´s a great opportunity for many different aspects of my life.
Business and personal.
I am not sure I want to go.
So I didn´t answer straight away whether I can make it.
The friend called me to ask if I am coming...
Big inner sigh.
I feel torn.
On the one hand, I am sure it would be a great evening, the possibility to meet and mingle with many people.
On the other hand, I do not feel "ready" in some way.
You know what?!
I am going to go with the flow - and not go.
When I am ready - the opportunity, in whatever form, will come again.

Giving yourself permission

Listening to TED talks always inspires me amazingly.
I think more then anything it inspires me to be the best me I can be.
Not for anyone else or not because one "should", just because the people talking passionately about what they are passionate about, makes me feel passionate about, well, just me.
That seems like a weird thought, but in the end it isn´t, is it?!
When we are able to be passionate about ourselves and the things we do, our lives completely change.
It doesn´t matter at all what our lives are about. They still change and always to the better.

I can make an amazingly long list of things I am passionate about. And this changes all the time. While many things remain the same.
And suddenly I think: YES!
Allow yourself to be the best person you can be - for whatever that is worth and for whatever that means.
Give yourself persmission.
And then anything and everything can happen. Independent of what you thought yesterday about what could happen.
This is freedom.

And one more thought:
Random moments and random people happen to us all the time.
Smell the cheese. See the signs.
I still look back to the fateful meeting I was attending, when I first heard that my father was ill and in hospital. He never came home afterwards and passed away 4 months later.
But is it this moment, the call, that I remember?
No.
It is a colleague who I hardly knew, who left the company soon after, who asked me about my stigmata. I had always seen it, but never knew others could.
Since then, every time I am energized, I see it and smile and think of him.
Random people.
Change your life.
Thank you.

Es geht was weiter...

I can now safely stop wondering if whatever it is I am going through, inside and outside, is a phase or not.
Who knows?! Who cares?!
But - it is great to see how, when you get into the flow, about yourself, things just move along totally smoothly and amazingly well.
I am so in awe of flow.
I used to think it is related to writing, but now I see it is a general principle.
And the flow can be just within you and within your thoughts and it WILL have an outside effect.
To all "nay-saysers": You do not believe it because you haven´t experienced it. Everyone who has experienced it has no doubt.

Other things....

It´s been a very quiet and exciting time the last week or two since I haven´t been writing on this blog (much).
I haven´t been writing otherwise either.
Not at all.
Zero.
Zich,
Guess what?
So what?! - that is how I truely feel.
I am really amazed and thankful.
I have finally taken the time and determination - and the help of this blog and many supporters - to write.
And realized, that wekk, maybe, possibly....no, no, this is absolutely the wrong way of putting it!
Let me start that sentence again: I have realized, that I love to have great ideas of/on books. And I have them all the time. I even dreamt an action thriller revolving around an elevator!
But - this doesn´t mean I want to actually write the books.
because, quite frankly, I don´t.
Maybe this will change.
But now I can pretty safely say, that the reason I haven´t written in all these years, not to mention decades, is because I simply didn´t really want to.
Life can be so simple.
I just always found it so hard to accept.
That life can be so simple.
So I have been (re-)discovering what it is that I really want to be doing daily.
Not what I should be or not what will necessarily make me a living.
It´s been such a - surprise - quiet ride!

So, friends and fans, stay tuned.
Because I have also discovered, that I enjoy this blog and sometimes want to say something.
And by all means I will.
After all: I DID name the blog also "writing about other things...".

It´s strange...

It´s strange.
I just do not have the desire to write.
I have all these great book ideas and these great story-lines. I still think of them occasionally, but I just do not feel I want to actually write any part of them.
At least not now.
Right now, I feel I want to do lots of different things, which I am actually doing.
Strangely I do not feel at all like I want to or am lamenting about doing or not doing anything.
I feel like I am doing exactly what I want to be doing.
Strange.
But, guess what?! Great!

Writing about not-writing

I wanted to write, that maybe I should rename my blog, which would also reflect phases of non-writing. But then, this is what this whole blog is about. The struggle between writing and not writing.

I just read somewhere that writing begets writing.
SO true!
A friend of mine sent me a link, which is meant to help you challenge yourself on writing a certain amount of words a day, 6 days a week. So clever.
And so typical me to be all excited about the prospect and "need" some outside "stimulus" to then continue with something I claim is what I want.

I need to think more about what I want.
Or maybe not.
Maybe I just need to think less and write more.
Hm.

Being yourself...naturally.

I have been really thoughtful this week, thinking a lot about writing and what it means to me.
Or what it doesn´t mean to me.
The ewige question in my life.
And I really do not think I have received now the big answer from above.
Sorry to disappoint...
But I did realize one thing: You just need to be yourself.
The good, the bad and the ugly.
Because at the end of the day, you can try and you can change and you can be all sorts of things, but nothing will come as naturally as being you! And nothing beside what comes naturally will really work.
Or let´s say work in a way that will make you (reasonably) happy and comfortable.
And guess what?!
This is not (necessarily) a universal truth.
Nope.
This is just my own, personal truth.
Take it or leave it.
Whatever works for you, will work for you.

Pensive

I have been really pensive this week.
So I haven´t written here much.
Interestingly, I find that I have gotten further then in some very active weeks.
Hm.

Still @ finding my own voice

I am still thinking a lot about the term "finding your own voice".
Whether related to writing or in life.
This is such an interesting endeavour to be on.
Like in the titel "Still @ finding my own voice": That is definately not my own voice, that sounds like Twitterese to me. But I am curious how many people it will speak to, as it is the voice of "nowaday".

I have mentioned before that I am working on several books at once. I think one of the reasons is that I want to be able to speak in different voices.

I am rambling on....many thoughts....
Back to writing now...

Oh-oh!

Oh-oh!

 I suddenly realized, that I could talk about the number of pages I write during any given day.

Since this blog is for me, it is supposed to help me and animate me to write more.
Not because I have to, but because I want to, but struggle with the process. Now that I am so nicely getting again and again into “flows”, I seem to need to challenge myself more?!
I like the idea.
But the idea also scares me.
I feel like it would be such an outing.
So maybe I need to start with an outing right now, to kick it off.
I don´t actually write that much per day. Sometimes, often, nothing.
There you go.
I call myself a writer, but do not write.
I would have been deeply ashamed in the past to write this. Already just to write it. I am not talking about publishing it and letting people, anyone, know. I would have been ashamed in front of myself.
Now I feel – mixed. A little embarassed. But feeling optimistic. Because I actually write now much more often then ever before. And I do not write autobiographically all the time, like ten plus years ago when I wrote more regularly for a while.
I write because I want to.
I do not write because I have to.
And sometimes writing just two lines is such a pleasure and success.
And then, on days like these, when I write more then a page, I feel – serene and pleased.
Feeling simply pleased is truely underestimated.

Really, I wrote that?!

Really, I wrote that?!
 
I have several concepts of books and also short-stories.
I kept thinking of one of my short stories lately.
So finally I opened the folder today.
And was surprised!
I had actually already written 2 pages of it. Surprise!
And it was not bad, not bad at all.
So, I guess, it needs to be finished.
It is asking to be finished.

What is this book about?

What is this book about, I asked myself while writing away. I don´t know.
All of the other book concepts have some sort of plot. Or at least some concrete ideas about the direction or characters. Or at least something to hold onto.
This is just about a mood.
But I love it.
I am just writing away at it and it just flows. I let it take me to where it wants to. Against all “normal” concepts of how to write a book.
And I am enjoying myself immensely.

I keep having to think of the expression: “Finding my own voice.”

I wonder if this is what the (book-) writing struggle is about for me.

There is an answer in resistance!

I had an epiphany today.
There is an anwer in resistance.
Any kind of resistance.
Whether inner, outer, public, private, loud or quiet.
And resistance to anything.
You pick the topic, you have an answer.
Because the topic is really picking you!

So - there is an answer to my inner resistance to writing.
Now let me go and dig and have a look.....

Not doing something...

I have been so busy today.
Cannot think of anything worthwhile to write.
Neither for the blog, nor for my books.
Makes me sad, somehow.
I am going to go and read a good book and sleep.
Sometimes not doing something (ie writing) opens-up new opportunities to see that something in a different light.
How did the Dalai Lama say?!
"Sometimes not getting what you want can be a wonderful stroke of luck!"

Writing about writing

Writing is all about writing.
The process.
The necessity.
The pain.
Writing is about passion and frustration.
About excitement, about orgasm.
Yours.
Writing is...
The intensity of life through words.
Or...the banality of life through words.

Total meltdown

I was sitting in my car on my way home from town.
I let the last week or two of writing go by in my mind.
Everything is going so well with my blogging and my writing is also moving along.
So - I panic.
What if this good wave stops?
What if I get writer´s block?
What if all the positive feedback is just kindness?
What if publishers will view it entirely differently?
Or if I cannot even finish a book?
I feel panicked!
My heartbeat increases, I start to perspire.
But only for a moment.
"Calm down!" I tell myself.
Tomorrow is another day.
And it is.