Patience

How does the saying go again?! "Art immitates life." Or is it the other way around?
In either case I am learning to write and I am writing to learn.
And both include patience.
Now patience is not my middle name.
My middle name actually means red in another language.
Red like temperament, red like fire, red like action.
So, you see, patience is not my middle name.
But - what´s in a name?!
Destiny is what we make of it.
Patience could become my adopted name!
Patience could become my life philosophy.
Patience could just become a new attitude.
Not even linked so entirely to the word patience, which connotes all sorts of "having to wait" scenarios.
Maybe patience is really just letting things flow.
And I totally believe in the flow.

Let the editor do the editing!

I was just listening to No Doubt´s "In my head"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuXcGG-ehZ8
when I drifting, in thought, to my "sequential book".
I was trying out ideas and kept pressing delete.
In my head.
It wasn´t even in writing!
And suddenly it hit me: Keep the editing for the editor.
Sometimes you just need to go. Do. Be. Write.
And think about the rest later.
Much later.
Because often the flow comes in the process and that is how you get your best ideas.
I hope this finally gets into my head!

Expectations and finding your own voice

As Christmas has been coming-up, I have been thinking about whether to be packing presents and generally preparing or writing.
We are surrounded by our and other´s expectations.
I have been also thinking about finding my own voice related to writing, oscillating between at least 3 different book ideas, which are quite different.
I thought these are two different topics and I would write two different blog-posts.
But it is one and the same.
We can find our own voice, meet our own needs and still be respectful of other people´s expectations - which often happen to have a lot to do with our own, we just externalise.
We just don´t always realize.
I can wrap the presents and prepare for Christmas and still find some time to write.
I can work on different books parallel, find the different right tones and be satisfied by the process.
My process.
It´s okay.
Everything is going to be alright.

How long is a page?

Mostly, I just decide to write.
I mean the moment before I then sit down to the computer and start writing.
I switch on the computer, open my files, maybe reread my notes or some of the actual text and then just continue or start another chapter of the book or make more notes.
But sometimes, after starting to write a couple of sentences, I just sit there and wait.
Wait for the page to be filled.
By some miracle magic something.
Okay - by me.
By my inspiration.
I want to be so immersed in the text and the thoughts and the moment within the book that I don´t even look-up, but just write and write and write.
I can always edit later.
But sometimes I just sit there and wait for the page to be filled.

Should I be writing or should I be writing?

You know....
I feel committed to this blog.
But I am learning something about priorities lately.
I can be writing to you all.
Or I can be writing my book.
You get my point.
See ya!

Discipline - The Theory - Take 1

I have been meaning to write about discipline.
I even started a blogpost, but then had so much more to add and wanted to make it "whole", "round", "cohesive". This was 5 days ago and I haven´t had the time to continue.
What is discipline really about, I ask myself.
Of course, simplified, it is to keep at something you decide to keep at.
But that seems such a banal and one dimensional definition.
I think already the concept of discipline is irritating me and I am wondering why.
More to come on my thought about discipline, but what I know today is this:
It´s much easier to just have my "verbal diarrea" of whatever comes to my mind, then to sit, regularly, and work on what needs to be worked on.
I need to think about this.

Wut - Anger!

Ich denke heute nach dem Aufstehen an meinen Blogeintrag von gestern.
Darüber, daß diese Buchidee so sehr auf Deutsch geschrieben gehört.
"Na dann schreibe ich Dich auf Deutsch, verdammt nochmal!" denke ich und bin wütend.
Wut ist gut.
War früher immer mein Leitsatz, wenn ich wütend war.
Weil man sich da spürt.
Aber Wut sollte nicht der treibender Faktor sein, finde ich.
Vielleicht ist es hilfreich alles mal aus sich "rauszukotzen", aber man muß am Ende relativ sachlich noch das Editing machen.
Und da hilft keine Wut der Welt.
Also...Wut ist gut. Kurzfristig.

This is asking to be written in German...

Ich hatte da eine Buchidee.
Naja, wie immer wieder.
Aber das Lustige an diese Buchidee war, daß sie unbedingt auf Deutsch geschrieben werden will.
Wobei ich nicht mal weiß ob man deutsch groß oder klein schreibt.
Na gut, dafür gibt es Abhilfen.
But the crazy thing is - I never write in German. Okay, maybe never is a too dramatic word.
You know, drama can be my middle name when verbalizing.
But really, I write in English, with the occasional hiccup of another language, usually as a poem.
But this book here - it needs to be written in German.
Well - who am I to argue?!
Here we go!

Lo and behold!

After I finished my blog last night and switched-off my computer, I had so many ideas, that I filled 7 post-its just with key words!
WOW!
The power of starting something.
It made me think of the saying "The more things change, the more things remain the same."
But actually, the more you do of something, the more you are likely to do of it.
I used to always think that the more sex you have, the more you want. And the less you have, the less your desire somehow. Of course, this is an exageration, but I find a lot of truth in certain generalisations.
Which brings me to the term I coined about 4 years ago: You need to change your life to change your life.
Simple and to the point.
You are welcome!

More excuses...

I have a sore throat. My head hurts.
I cannot possibly write.
Not even the blog.
Of course I managed to check my email and briefly go on Facebook.
Yeah, right - but cannot possibly write.
Excuses, excuses.
I am sick of them (LITERALLY!!!).
But this seems to be the current topic.
At the same time, I have been thinking more intensely about a new book idea I had.
I wish I would write more and think less.
Tomorrow....

Lamenting and Writing

Did I really come back to my blog with a big lamentation of why I haven´t written and "what a bad girl I have been"?!
I am disgusted with myself!
So now I see where the issues are coming from!
Good!
People - including myself - are full of excuses on why they are not doing something.
I think I need to look at the "Aktionismus" era of art, because this is the word that pops into my mind.
I need to do more Aktionismus.
I will do more Aktionismus!
I am on a bit of a magic carpet ride since a little while and I can tell you, it is doing me lots of good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=related&hl=en-GB&v=f51CzTlRj-Y
(Ignore the video, it´s a bout the music!)

Did I promise 45 days?

I think I said something about 45 days to a friend...
Why?
Do I need pressure?
Do I need anything or anyone from outside?
Or is writing really just your inner process.
And totally irrelevant how long it takes?
I have a concept for a great weekly/bi-weekly or monthly column.
I had a great idea for a new book.
I have many ideas.
Execution? Anybody?!
Sigh.

It´s as bad as this...

...which is - I didn´t even remember the name of my blog. Now that is miserable.
I am on a new holy grail.
It has to do with what I want.
Writing always has to do with what someone wants.
Don´t let anyone else tell you different!
And to discover what you want is pretty magic indeed.
(And I won´t pretend that I have the answer, because I don´t. But I will try to find it. Or at least find one answer. Or maybe one after the other?!)
"The future´s so bright, I gotta wear shades!"